If you are successful at work but your marriage is struggling, it may be time to shift your focus to your relationship. Because success at work without success at home is not true success. 

I know many married couples who are “roommates” but lack connection and intimacy. I know other couples who “co-parent” and spend little time together apart from their kids. Half of all marriages end in divorce, and if you crush it in sales but lose your family in the process, all your hard work will be in vain. Because you will be alone. 

This week Sandy and I celebrated our 12 year anniversary. For the first 6 years of our marriage, I prioritized my career over family. I worked long hours, traveled frequently, and believed that providing financially was enough. During the last 6 years, I’ve shifted my focus to my relationship and our marriage has blossomed. And to my pleasant surprise, my performance at work has skyrocketed too! Because I’m happier, more present, and can fully focus on serving my clients because all is well at home. 

I’ve coached thousands of sellers, and have found similar results with my clients. When they improve their relationship, their results at work improve. 

In this week’s training, I share 10 keys to a happy marriage. I’ve made all the mistakes you can think of in my marriage, and following these principles has made all the difference:  

1. Commitment: when you view marriage as “forever,” it changes everything. Too many people abandon ship when things get tough, but when you are truly committed to sticking with your partner through good times and bad, your entire mindset changes for the better. 

2. Acceptance: Never try to change your partner, even if you are changing or growing. While your intentions may be pure, it sends a message to them that they aren’t good enough as they are. Instead, lead by example and inspire them to want to change for themselves. 

3. Quality Time: Make time for regular date nights, weekend getaways, and time alone. Spend the money to hire a babysitter – it’s worth it! 

4. Intimacy: This is a big one – stay intimate with your partner. Snuggle, hold hands, and have sex regularly. 

5. Respectful Communication: You are going to argue and disagree in a relationship – it’s inevitable. The important thing is to speak to your partner with respect when that happens, rather than insulting, yelling, or getting angry. 

6. Pick Your Battles: Don’t sweat the small stuff. It’s better to be happy than to be “right.” If it’s not a big deal, drop it. 

7. Union: When you get married, you become “one” with your partner (Matthew 19:5-6). This means that their needs are your needs, their pain is your pain, and what’s important to them is important to you. I used to always tell Sandy “it’s not a big deal” when she stressed over something that I didn’t care about, but that’s dismissing her feelings. What I’ve learned over time is that when you view your partner’s feelings as your own, you develop deep empathy and compassion, which makes all the difference in a marriage. 

8. Honesty: If you are truly “one” with your partner, you can’t keep secrets from them. If you are doing something you know they wouldn’t approve of, don’t do it. Have the courage to tell them about it. If they aren’t cool with it, stop. I’ve seen this a lot with  financial secrets (spending, debt, etc.) and porn usage (89% of OnlyFans users are married men), which breaks trust in a marriage and is a form of betrayal. Keeping secrets is the same as lying.

9. Be supportive: Support comes in many forms. It’s actively listening, helping wherever you can, and getting help when needed. Sandy is a full time mom, and our 5 year old is about to start Kindergarten. For the past 5 years, we’ve had a nanny come twice/week to give Sandy time to herself and it’s made a massive difference. Lift your partner up, encourage them, and never try to “fix” them. 

10. Learn their “love language” and speak it: Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages” changed my life. My wife’s love language is “acts of service” and mine is “physical touch.” I feel loved when she holds my hand, hugs me, and kisses me. She feels loved when I clean the house, do maintenance, and cook dinner. So if I want her to touch me, I need to bust out the vacuum! I recommend both of you take the love languages quiz here if you haven’t done so already: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

In this week’s video training, I break down all 10 keys in detail and share examples of how to practice each principle. 

True happiness in life comes from connection, growth, and contribution, with connection the largest contributor by far. 

So if you want to be truly happy, work on your marriage and watch everything else in your life improve as a result. 

You can find the full training here: https://youtu.be/rHxM3rxq_vE