For most of my life, I believed the same lie that so many high achievers believe. I thought that if I worked hard enough, performed well enough, and achieved big enough, then I would finally feel worthy. I thought success would fix the part of me that felt broken. I thought money, influence, status, and performance would fill the emptiness inside.

And the truth is, it worked. For a while.

Achievement gave me a hit of confidence. Winning felt good. Being a top performer felt good. Buying nice things felt good. Providing for my family felt good. Proving to myself that I could rise to the top felt good.

But every time I slowed down long enough to get quiet, I felt the same emptiness come rushing back. I felt like I was never enough. I felt like I had to keep performing or I would lose everything. I felt like if I stopped chasing success, all the insecurity I had been running from would catch up to me.

That is the trap so many of us fall into. We keep chasing because we think the next win will finally fill that void. But it never does. It never can. Because the void in your heart is spiritual, not material. And nothing in the material world can fix a spiritual problem.

Five years ago, I learned this the hard way.

I am sharing a video today that I have never released publicly. It was filmed on February 18, 2020. Five days after I got sober. Right after I came clean to my wife about my addictions. In the middle of a 365 day daily video challenge that I was only days away from completing.

This video was filmed at the lowest point of my life. My eyes were swollen. My soul was heavy. I did not know if my marriage would survive. I did not know if my family would survive. I did not know who I was anymore.

And for the first time in my life, I stopped performing. I stopped pretending. I stopped chasing.

I surrendered.

I fell to my knees and finally admitted what I had been running from for forty years. I had been trying to fill a God shaped void with everything except God. Money. Success. Status. Indulgence. Achievement. Recognition. Addiction. Anything that would distract me from the truth that I did not feel worthy unless I was winning. 

But worthiness does not come from winning. It comes from God.

That moment of surrender changed everything for me. It was the beginning of my spiritual journey. It was the beginning of my sobriety. It was the beginning of learning that God loves you exactly as you are. Not when you achieve. Not when you perform. Not when you hit your number. Right now. As you are.

God is the only one who can fill the emptiness in your heart. Success cannot do it. Followers cannot do it. Money cannot do it. Achievement cannot do it. All of that is fleeting. It comes and goes. But God’s love, God’s grace, and God’s presence is permanent. It is steadfast. It is unconditional. And when God fills your heart, you finally feel whole.

That is what happened to me.

Since that video was recorded, everything in my life has changed. I became the husband and father that God always called me to be. I was baptized. I grew a business that has helped tens of thousands of sellers. 

But none of that would have happened without that breaking moment. None of it would have happened without surrender. None of it would have happened without letting God transform the parts of me that achievement never could.

There is a quote I heard recently that perfectly describes that season of my life:

“When God wants to make a man powerful, He doesn’t crown him first; He breaks him. He strips away your comfort, your pride, and your plans until all that is left is what’s real. That isn’t punishment. That is training.”

In the video you are about to watch, you will see a man who is lost, vulnerable, scared, and broken. A man who is admitting his flaws and facing himself honestly for the first time. A man who is realizing that chasing success will never give him the peace he is desperate for.

You will see the moment that God started to rebuild me.

And the message I want you to hear today is simple. You are already enough. You are already worthy. Nothing you achieve will ever make you more loved by God. Nothing you fail at will ever make you less loved by God. God created you with a void so that you would seek Him. He is the only one who can fill it.

Draw close to Him and He will draw close to you. When you model the qualities of God every day, love, kindness, patience, self control, gratitude, service, and truth, your life fills with peace. Fulfillment does not come from achieving. It comes from alignment. It comes from walking with God.

This is why I am sharing this video now. Because someone reading this needs it. Someone has been chasing something that will never satisfy them. Someone feels the same emptiness I felt. And someone is ready to surrender.

If that is you, I promise there is hope. I promise there is healing. And I promise God can rebuild your life in ways that will blow you away. 

You are already enough. You are already worthy. And you are already loved.

Everything good in my life today is because of God, not because of me. Below are two resources to help you detach your self-worth from your number, so you can start the journey of seeing yourself for the amazing human that you already are: 

1. Keynote: You Are Not Your Number
A message for anyone who ties their identity to their performance.

2. Video: My Lowest Moment, Raw and Unfiltered
The never before released clip from February 18, 2020. The moment I finally stopped hiding and let God begin to rebuild my life.

I hope this encourages you, grounds you, and brings you closer to what truly matters.

-Ian