Last week I spent 4 days with 24 men attending a powerful retreat.  

We had no access to cell phones or outside communication. 

The immersion was centered around upleveling ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually so we can show up fully for ourselves, our families, our partners, and our businesses. 

To say this work was transformational would be the understatement of the century. 

It was life-changing. 

Here are a few of the realizations I had coming back from the immersion: 

1. When creating and sharing content, I have been playing relatively safe. Most of my content has centered around sales training where I feel most comfortable, but I know I can serve at an even bigger level based on what I’ve been through in my personal life. Some of these topics include the role of God in my life, overcoming addiction, and maintaining a happy, healthy marriage. 

What’s interesting is that all of the work I’ve done in my personal life has directly led to success in my business. I know this work is needed now more than ever, and my hope is that by sharing my story, I will inspire others to take similar actions as needed. 

2. I’m still carrying a lot of shame from the pain I caused my wife, and the pain I caused women in general by objectifying them. The shame came out this weekend in the form of grieving and tears, and I feel so much lighter after grieving. Even though I had changed my behavior since entering recovery 4.5 years ago, I had never processed the trauma which I had been carrying for so long. 

Next month I will be baptized and it’s no coincidence that this healing took when it did. While I was getting body work done at the retreat, the song “River” by Leon Bridges was playing in the background, and the tears flowed uncontrollably as I felt the words “blood on my hands” permeate my soul. 

3. Much of the behaviors which I participated in have been normalized and rationalized by men everywhere. I was exposed to hardcore porn at 12 years old, and didn’t think I was doing anything wrong when I watched it. That was 33 years ago. With the internet and smartphones, it’s more accessible and prevalent than ever before, and the problem has gotten way worse. If I don’t speak out about the potential harm this is causing both boys and men, who will? 

As I embark on my journey to serve in a bigger way, I felt called to share why I believe porn is dangerous to men. 

Besides the cheap dopamine it provides which can alter your brain and lead to addictive, compulsive behavior, it is also shrouded in shame and secrecy. Shame is one of the lowest frequency emotions and carries low vibrations which affect all areas of life. We can’t perform to our full potential when we carry shame. 

Equally harmful, porn objectifies women and can have an adverse impact on our relationships and intimacy. Finally, there’s a direct link between mainstream porn sites and child trafficking, sexual abuse, and other crimes in which victims must relive their trauma over and over again when videos of their assaults gets uploaded and monetized. 

Much of these was documented on the netflix movie “Money Shot: The Pornhub Story” and the book “Takedown” While certain measures have been taken to protect videos from being uploaded without consent, the dangers of trafficking are greater than ever and continue to grow. 

I quit porn 4.5 years ago, and it was one of the best decisions of my life (after marrying my wife of course)! It also led to stopping other addictive behaviors, including getting drunk, smoking pot, and adderall. 

Stopping addictive behaviors helped me build tremendous confidence to take on large challenges like building a business, and more importantly brought peace, trust, and intimacy to my relationships.

It ran in my family until it ran into me! 

My boys will no longer have to inherit the generational curse of addiction. 

For these reasons, and many more, I have decided to share a video called “The Dangers of Porn for Men.” 

You can find the full video here: https://youtu.be/er_D_0lYgm0

P.S.  For any men who struggle in silence with porn or compulsive sexual behavior, you are not alone. Reach out directly if you need help and I can point you to resources that can help.